In my 30 something years of living I have come across many disappointments in my lifetime. Some were minor, and others major life changers. The minor ones I was able to let go of and move on, the major ones - well not so much. When you have been let down, failed, hurt, crushed, or lost someone or something it hurts - and it hurts deep. Disappointments are a part of life but it is how we choose to handle them that makes all the difference in the world. We can become jaded, bitter, and cold-hearted, loosing sight of what God has for our lives. We can grip it tightly, or we can choose to let it go - and let God deal with it. These choices shape us, and change us - for the better or the worse.
This year I have been hit with an overwhelming amount of disappointments, heartache, and hurt. I can honestly tell you I have struggled with what to do with all the emotions and baggage that comes with that. Whenever I am dealing with something I don't have an answer for I turn to the scriptures. Something my grandparents taught me when I was little - because I had a lot of questions - and they didn't have all the answers, but they knew the ONE who did. So I started searching the scriptures for someone who didn't just have a "bad day" but a series of bad events. Of course there was Job, and I can tell you I understand that book even better now. But it was really the story of Joseph, in Genesis 37-50, that resonated loud and clear in my life.
If ever there was a man who had "permission" to be jaded or bitter it would Joseph. In Genesis 37 we see a boy who was favored by his dad, but not by his brothers - in fact his brothers hated him so much they planned to kill him and throw him in a pit. One brilliant brother decided that selling him as a slave made more sense (go figure) and so in one short afternoon he went from beloved son and brother to a no-named slave for sale to the highest bidder. I can't imagine the thoughts of hurt, loss and disappointment that went through his mind. The questions of "Why?" and "How?" that he asked God over and over. His own family rejected him, sold him out, and on top of that were telling his father a LIE to cover up what they did. His whole life was turned upside down, those he trusted let him down - he was homeless, alone and at the mercy of strangers.
Joseph had all the right in the world to become bitter, angry, and resentful - but he didn't. 20 Years later after being a slave, unjustly accused and imprisoned, promised help and forgotten, he was finally recognized for his faith, and leadership - and placed as the ruler of Egypt by the Pharaoh himself. When Joseph got to see his brothers again after 20 years, he had a choice - and this was what he chose:
But Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No, don't be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children." So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them. Genesis 50:19-21
I have to be honest and say I'm not sure I would have had the same reaction. How could someone who had been through as much as he had speak "kindly" to his brothers? I don't think Joseph got there quickly, in fact I'm pretty sure the years of serving, and solitude in prison gave him a lot of time to think and pray and pray some more. When the world gets knocked out from under you - you land on your knees.
The bible says that the Lord was with Joseph, He never left him - and He never leaves us either, even in our disappointments. He can handle our questions, our fears and even our anger. And He can take all of that and use it to mold and shape us - but only if we let Him. The choice Joseph made was one of looking outward, instead of inward. We must choose every day of our lives to not be so focused on all we've lost, but on all we have gained. Our purpose here is not just for ourselves but for those around us, and when we walk in that we let go of us and get ahold of HIM.
I am by no means saying that I have achieved this - every day I have to let it go, lay it down, and look around at what I have, and the reason I am here. Grieving what you lost is important, and that does require an inward focus, but healing comes when you can look outside your pain and into others.
Only by His strength!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Finding My Voice Again
I love to sing. I love music. I was singing maybe before I was walking. I could turn just about anything into a microphone, and a stage. Mom had me singing at nursing homes, restaurants, in school, in church, and anywhere else anyone would listen. As I grew up and my relationship with the Lord deepened and changed, my love for music and songs, and songwriting did too. I realized the power of music, and words - and the ministry it has to others.
When my brother, Ashley, died my mother asked me to sing at the funeral. I didn't know HOW I was going to do that, but I knew that I needed to. I have sung at many funerals, they are not my favorite place to sing. I have come to realize over the years it is my way of being able to minister to the family involved. In the past few years I have sung at a couple really tragic funerals, young children. These funerals were so difficult, I prayed for strength for every word, every note. I knew that the words of the songs were so important to bring healing, and love. Now I had to sing at my own family's funeral, and I couldn't even begin to think it through. Usually the family will request a certain song, and I am very willing to follow their request. Mom didn't have a song, she said whatever I did would be just right. I struggled and prayed and for a song. Every word was different now - every note was louder.
It really wasn't until 2am the night before the funeral that I settled on one. I went down to the hotel lobby that morning to print out the words, because I knew I would need them. We had the viewing first, and then the service - it was harder than I could ever imagined. Edwin (my husband) was giving the eulogy, and we both were white-knuckled-holding-on-with-everything-to-Jesus, that afternoon. I sang "It Is Well", a capella. Knowing that the man that wrote that song wrote it in his grief, after his daughter's drowned, gave me solace. Only by the very strength and grace of God did I get through. It was by faith alone I could stand there with tears streaming down face and sing "It is well with my soul".
Somewhere after the funeral I lost my voice. I didn't literally loose my voice, I could still sing - but I lost the will to sing, and the love for music. The Christian radio which we played 24/7 in our house and car was just piercing noise to me. I couldn't listen. Choir practice and worship hurt my heart so bad I could barely stand it. Words and songs that I had sung just a month earlier with all I had in me - I could barely utter the words. Everything felt different, it sounded different, the words were now all different - I was different. I can honestly say that it wasn't that I didn't believe those songs anymore, but my perspective on them changed. Words like "faith", "trial", "burden", "hope", "heaven", "hell" - they all had a tangible meaning now. I had to find my voice again.
So here's a few things I've learned and am still learning about singing and more importantly worship.
People need to see not just our laughing and our dancing, but our sadness too- it makes us real.
Even Jesus wept, or mourned - and people were moved by that.
John 11:35-36 Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
God wasn't showing me that I couldn't be happy, or that I should spend my worship time lamenting in sorrow - but just to be real.
My brokenness will minister to people, and myself, far more than my pride ever will.
In fact sometimes I've been so concerned over how great the music sounds, or even how I sound that I couldn't hear his still small voice. I needed to shut everything up, and listen.
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 1 King 19:11-12
Worship wasn't about me, it wasn't for the congregation, it wasn't to fill in space before the sermon - it was FOR GOD, TO GOD, and ABOUT GOD. (Sometimes I think we say that but we don't really live that)
When you are in the throes of grief, depression and sadness can overtake you.
When I realized that the songs I am singing aren't for me - they are for Christ and as I sing about how faithful He is, and how thankful I am - His presence fills my sadness - and the enemy has no place to be.
It's OK to hurt, it's OK to be in pain - Satan wants to leave you there alone - God wants to join you - right where you are.
God started me on this journey the day I sang at Ashley's funeral. It's a journey I'm still on. I can sing again, with the radio - and even on Sundays. But Worship isn't a song, it's not even music - worship isn't about the lighting, a guitar, a horn, or even an organ. Worship is realizing how broken we are, and how perfect He is - in every moment of every day of our lives.
But an hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth. Yes, the Father wants such people to worship Him. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” John 4:23-24
When my brother, Ashley, died my mother asked me to sing at the funeral. I didn't know HOW I was going to do that, but I knew that I needed to. I have sung at many funerals, they are not my favorite place to sing. I have come to realize over the years it is my way of being able to minister to the family involved. In the past few years I have sung at a couple really tragic funerals, young children. These funerals were so difficult, I prayed for strength for every word, every note. I knew that the words of the songs were so important to bring healing, and love. Now I had to sing at my own family's funeral, and I couldn't even begin to think it through. Usually the family will request a certain song, and I am very willing to follow their request. Mom didn't have a song, she said whatever I did would be just right. I struggled and prayed and for a song. Every word was different now - every note was louder.
It really wasn't until 2am the night before the funeral that I settled on one. I went down to the hotel lobby that morning to print out the words, because I knew I would need them. We had the viewing first, and then the service - it was harder than I could ever imagined. Edwin (my husband) was giving the eulogy, and we both were white-knuckled-holding-on-with-everything-to-Jesus, that afternoon. I sang "It Is Well", a capella. Knowing that the man that wrote that song wrote it in his grief, after his daughter's drowned, gave me solace. Only by the very strength and grace of God did I get through. It was by faith alone I could stand there with tears streaming down face and sing "It is well with my soul".
Somewhere after the funeral I lost my voice. I didn't literally loose my voice, I could still sing - but I lost the will to sing, and the love for music. The Christian radio which we played 24/7 in our house and car was just piercing noise to me. I couldn't listen. Choir practice and worship hurt my heart so bad I could barely stand it. Words and songs that I had sung just a month earlier with all I had in me - I could barely utter the words. Everything felt different, it sounded different, the words were now all different - I was different. I can honestly say that it wasn't that I didn't believe those songs anymore, but my perspective on them changed. Words like "faith", "trial", "burden", "hope", "heaven", "hell" - they all had a tangible meaning now. I had to find my voice again.
So here's a few things I've learned and am still learning about singing and more importantly worship.
- I learned that it was OK to worship God with my sadness, with all my tears, my hurt, and my pain - for the world to see.
People need to see not just our laughing and our dancing, but our sadness too- it makes us real.
Even Jesus wept, or mourned - and people were moved by that.
John 11:35-36 Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
God wasn't showing me that I couldn't be happy, or that I should spend my worship time lamenting in sorrow - but just to be real.
My brokenness will minister to people, and myself, far more than my pride ever will.
- I learned to worship God in silence.
In fact sometimes I've been so concerned over how great the music sounds, or even how I sound that I couldn't hear his still small voice. I needed to shut everything up, and listen.
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 1 King 19:11-12
- I was reminded who the worship was for.
Worship wasn't about me, it wasn't for the congregation, it wasn't to fill in space before the sermon - it was FOR GOD, TO GOD, and ABOUT GOD. (Sometimes I think we say that but we don't really live that)
- Worship is powerful!
When you are in the throes of grief, depression and sadness can overtake you.
When I realized that the songs I am singing aren't for me - they are for Christ and as I sing about how faithful He is, and how thankful I am - His presence fills my sadness - and the enemy has no place to be.
It's OK to hurt, it's OK to be in pain - Satan wants to leave you there alone - God wants to join you - right where you are.
God started me on this journey the day I sang at Ashley's funeral. It's a journey I'm still on. I can sing again, with the radio - and even on Sundays. But Worship isn't a song, it's not even music - worship isn't about the lighting, a guitar, a horn, or even an organ. Worship is realizing how broken we are, and how perfect He is - in every moment of every day of our lives.
But an hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth. Yes, the Father wants such people to worship Him. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” John 4:23-24
Monday, September 10, 2012
Walking Through The Darkest Valley
"Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."
I never had a true concept of what the "darkest valley" really was until April 1, 2012. In the very early morning hours I got a phone call that shook my very foundation. My 29 year old brother, Ashley, had died in a cave diving accident. He had been diving with some of his buddies at Weeki Wachee Springs, in Florida, on March 31st and had an embolism under water that took his life. My beautiful brother was gone, and our family was shattered.
I spoke to my parents briefly and hung up the phone trying to make sense of something that made no sense at all. So many emotions flooded my heart and my mind, questions I would never get answers to, and pain so deep I could barely breathe. I didn't know who to call, what to say, how to handle - I was at a loss. Edwin held me as I cried, we cried together. I called my sister, we cried some more. I called a family friend, a few people from church, and cried some more. My dearest friend was on her way home from India and I couldn't reach her, that made me cry some more.
It was a Sunday and Edwin had to be at service in a few hours - I tried to sleep but I just cried. It was April 1st, Liam (our youngest) very first birthday - and I didn't, couldn't even begin to think of celebrating. I thought how in just a month Ashley would have been 30, and now we wouldn't be celebrating that. I cried some more. At some point the sun came up and morning came, but in my mind I didn't understand why the sun would even rise - not today. Edwin left for church, and we decided not to tell the kids until he came home - just too hard for me to deal with their loss and mine by myself.
Liam cuddled with me in bed as my tears spilled on his little head. The little guy never even got to meet his uncle Ashley. A thousand regrets went through my mind, a million wishes I will never have. The other two awoke, surprised we weren't going to church but happy to have the morning free. They could see I was upset, and asked - I told them I was "OK" and we'd talk about it when dad got home. It was the longest 4 hours. I was thankful for the distraction of TV for the kids and sleepy baby. The whole world seemed so far away, alone is almost not enough of a word to describe the feeling - it was the deepest, darkest valley.
The next week was chaos, and unbelievably painful. We drove to Florida, where my parents, grandparents, and sister and her family were headed as well. I watched my parents age right before my eyes. My grandparents, who were the strongest people I know, suddenly became frail. I saw my aunts, cousins, and family friends in a place of sadness I had never seen. I told my sister I loved her a thousand times, wishing I could say it a thousand more. I held onto scripture like never before, gripping so tight my hands hurt. Somehow we made it through a viewing, funeral, an obituary,his friends and our family and those worlds colliding, and an awful long drive back to Virginia (with sick kids).
I was spent, lost, hurting, exhausted, and in pain. My world flipped over, and what seemed so big and important, didn't matter anymore. I can only describe my pain like a really bad burn - that burned deep, stung, and radiated heat. The kind of pain that is so bad that it's consuming. In the beginning I functioned because I had to, my kids needed me to, Edwin needed me to - but I did it with almost a robotic feel - overwhelmed with so much hurt and pain. Food didn't taste good, TV seemed worthless, life was different - because it was different.
When you are in a deep, dark valley - your perspective changes. Sunlight hurts your eyes, darkness becomes your friend. Not darkness like evil, more like emptiness - a nothingness. In the dark no one sees you crying, in the dark you can scream and no one can hear, in the deep, dark you don't have to deal with the rest of the world's problems - because you can't. Being in a deep, dark valley means you have face some deep, dark things - but that may not be all bad. Sometimes we need to stop, and change focus - and see what really is important. In a deep, dark valley it becomes very quiet, and you can listen - to your heart, and to God's heart too.
I'm still walking through this valley, but I am not afraid because I know HE is close beside me.
I never had a true concept of what the "darkest valley" really was until April 1, 2012. In the very early morning hours I got a phone call that shook my very foundation. My 29 year old brother, Ashley, had died in a cave diving accident. He had been diving with some of his buddies at Weeki Wachee Springs, in Florida, on March 31st and had an embolism under water that took his life. My beautiful brother was gone, and our family was shattered.
I spoke to my parents briefly and hung up the phone trying to make sense of something that made no sense at all. So many emotions flooded my heart and my mind, questions I would never get answers to, and pain so deep I could barely breathe. I didn't know who to call, what to say, how to handle - I was at a loss. Edwin held me as I cried, we cried together. I called my sister, we cried some more. I called a family friend, a few people from church, and cried some more. My dearest friend was on her way home from India and I couldn't reach her, that made me cry some more.
It was a Sunday and Edwin had to be at service in a few hours - I tried to sleep but I just cried. It was April 1st, Liam (our youngest) very first birthday - and I didn't, couldn't even begin to think of celebrating. I thought how in just a month Ashley would have been 30, and now we wouldn't be celebrating that. I cried some more. At some point the sun came up and morning came, but in my mind I didn't understand why the sun would even rise - not today. Edwin left for church, and we decided not to tell the kids until he came home - just too hard for me to deal with their loss and mine by myself.
Liam cuddled with me in bed as my tears spilled on his little head. The little guy never even got to meet his uncle Ashley. A thousand regrets went through my mind, a million wishes I will never have. The other two awoke, surprised we weren't going to church but happy to have the morning free. They could see I was upset, and asked - I told them I was "OK" and we'd talk about it when dad got home. It was the longest 4 hours. I was thankful for the distraction of TV for the kids and sleepy baby. The whole world seemed so far away, alone is almost not enough of a word to describe the feeling - it was the deepest, darkest valley.
The next week was chaos, and unbelievably painful. We drove to Florida, where my parents, grandparents, and sister and her family were headed as well. I watched my parents age right before my eyes. My grandparents, who were the strongest people I know, suddenly became frail. I saw my aunts, cousins, and family friends in a place of sadness I had never seen. I told my sister I loved her a thousand times, wishing I could say it a thousand more. I held onto scripture like never before, gripping so tight my hands hurt. Somehow we made it through a viewing, funeral, an obituary,his friends and our family and those worlds colliding, and an awful long drive back to Virginia (with sick kids).
I was spent, lost, hurting, exhausted, and in pain. My world flipped over, and what seemed so big and important, didn't matter anymore. I can only describe my pain like a really bad burn - that burned deep, stung, and radiated heat. The kind of pain that is so bad that it's consuming. In the beginning I functioned because I had to, my kids needed me to, Edwin needed me to - but I did it with almost a robotic feel - overwhelmed with so much hurt and pain. Food didn't taste good, TV seemed worthless, life was different - because it was different.
When you are in a deep, dark valley - your perspective changes. Sunlight hurts your eyes, darkness becomes your friend. Not darkness like evil, more like emptiness - a nothingness. In the dark no one sees you crying, in the dark you can scream and no one can hear, in the deep, dark you don't have to deal with the rest of the world's problems - because you can't. Being in a deep, dark valley means you have face some deep, dark things - but that may not be all bad. Sometimes we need to stop, and change focus - and see what really is important. In a deep, dark valley it becomes very quiet, and you can listen - to your heart, and to God's heart too.
I'm still walking through this valley, but I am not afraid because I know HE is close beside me.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
The One to Count On
"I am counting on the LORD; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word." Psalm 130:5
There's not a lot to count on these days. Car break down, favorite restaurants shut down, even gas prices can't stay down. In this time of presidential campaigns and lots of promises we hesitate to even believe what is being said. We live in a fallen world, where people, places, and things let us down - BUT GOD WILL NOT, and has not - we can count on Him!
The older I get the more precious the Bible has become to me. The sweet promises of the Lord, the love letters of truth, peace, and life. I am learning to hold them closer to my heart. When I am disheartened by this world and it's disappointments, all I have to do is turn the pages of my bible and see how dependable and powerful my God is to me. Time and time again I read of how He delivered His people, He loved his people, He blessed his people. Always keeping his promises, and always faithful (even when His people were not).
I don't have the greatest memory, and can't always quote it word for word, but how thankful I am that it is God's precious word that comes to my mind when the lies of the enemy whisper in my ears. His Word is powerful - use it, read it, devour it, soak it in - and never let it go! God's promises are true!
There's not a lot to count on these days. Car break down, favorite restaurants shut down, even gas prices can't stay down. In this time of presidential campaigns and lots of promises we hesitate to even believe what is being said. We live in a fallen world, where people, places, and things let us down - BUT GOD WILL NOT, and has not - we can count on Him!
The older I get the more precious the Bible has become to me. The sweet promises of the Lord, the love letters of truth, peace, and life. I am learning to hold them closer to my heart. When I am disheartened by this world and it's disappointments, all I have to do is turn the pages of my bible and see how dependable and powerful my God is to me. Time and time again I read of how He delivered His people, He loved his people, He blessed his people. Always keeping his promises, and always faithful (even when His people were not).
I don't have the greatest memory, and can't always quote it word for word, but how thankful I am that it is God's precious word that comes to my mind when the lies of the enemy whisper in my ears. His Word is powerful - use it, read it, devour it, soak it in - and never let it go! God's promises are true!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
A Difference
When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tables of the Testimony in his hand, he did not know that the skin of his face shone and sent forth beams by reason of his speaking with the Lord. Exodus 34:29 (Amp Bible)
Wow this scripture challenged me! Moses was in the presence of God - and people could see it. It made me wonder - do people see something in me after I've spent time with the Lord? Do they see it when I don't? Not a fake smile, not a hyped up attitude - but a genuine change in my countenance.
If I am truly seeking the Lord, I will find Him - and He will find me. I want to sit in His presence until there is a change, in my thinking, in my speaking, in my spirit, in my very appearance. How about you?
Wow this scripture challenged me! Moses was in the presence of God - and people could see it. It made me wonder - do people see something in me after I've spent time with the Lord? Do they see it when I don't? Not a fake smile, not a hyped up attitude - but a genuine change in my countenance.
If I am truly seeking the Lord, I will find Him - and He will find me. I want to sit in His presence until there is a change, in my thinking, in my speaking, in my spirit, in my very appearance. How about you?
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Support
Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. Exodus 17:12
I think it is rather comical to start a blog called "Resting In Him" right before having a baby - which as we all know is the opposite of resting EVER again... LOL - Seriously I want to apologize for not getting to my blog - it has been way too long - but the only thing on my lap the last few months has been a newborn - not a laptop. He is finally sleeping through the night - which means - I have a little bit of time before I do the same... maybe.
I was thinking tonight of a dear friend of mine - one that has seen me through some major ups and downs of my life. How she could still stand to be friend after seeing the good, bad, and the ugly sides of me - I will never understand - but I am so grateful she has! This brought me to think about this scripture in Exodus - about Moses and his friends. Moses needed help - and his friends became the support he needed to accomplish the battle that was being fought.
The Israelites and the Amalekites were fighting - and Moses' job was to keep his staff up. When he kept his staff up - the Israelites had the advantage - when his arms dropped - the Amalekites began to succeed. I am sure at first this wasn't difficult - no problem - he could do this - that doesn't seem so hard. But as time went on and the day grew longer - this simple job became harder and harder, and Moses grew tired. I don't see in scripture where he yelled for help, or complained so loud someone heard him, or threatened to give up if someone didn't take over - but what I do see are two friends that saw he was tired.
The scripture says Aaron and Hur found Moses a rock to sit on - they knew first and foremost Moses needed a firm, solid foundation to rest on - not a lazy boy - not a sleeper sofa - not a rocking chair - but a ROCK - something that would hold him and be solid for him to sit on. We need friends who leads us to THE ROCK - who don't try to cushion our fall - but steady our stand. We don't need anyone's opinion, advice, or suggestions - we need GOD - HIS WORD, HIS OPINION, HIS TRUTHS.
Aaron and Hur didn't stop there - they came up on either side of Moses and held up his hands - they became his support system. Funny, they didn't become his cheerleaders - cheering him on from the crowd. They didn't become his coach - telling him what he needs to do better. They didn't become his teacher - grading him on his conduct or behavior. They became his support - they came ALONGSIDE - they were willing to take on the burden WITH HIM - they were willing to GET IN THE FIGHT. I don't think holding Moses' arms was a glamorous job either- I can only imagine he was pretty sweaty and hot, and as far as I know - deodorant was not invented yet (I know a little gross - but just keeping real here). As a friend we have to be willing to deal with the not so pretty side (or smelly side) of each other too. Moses was exhausted, he was desperate, and he needed help - and Aaron and Hur came to his side.
We all need a support system - we all need friends who are willing to dig in, come along side,
hold us up and bear the load of the battle we are fighting. When we go through battles that require so much strength - it makes us weak - it is in those times we find some incredible friends - like Aaron and Hur. I am grateful for friends like that - and I am challenged to become one too!!
I think it is rather comical to start a blog called "Resting In Him" right before having a baby - which as we all know is the opposite of resting EVER again... LOL - Seriously I want to apologize for not getting to my blog - it has been way too long - but the only thing on my lap the last few months has been a newborn - not a laptop. He is finally sleeping through the night - which means - I have a little bit of time before I do the same... maybe.
I was thinking tonight of a dear friend of mine - one that has seen me through some major ups and downs of my life. How she could still stand to be friend after seeing the good, bad, and the ugly sides of me - I will never understand - but I am so grateful she has! This brought me to think about this scripture in Exodus - about Moses and his friends. Moses needed help - and his friends became the support he needed to accomplish the battle that was being fought.
The Israelites and the Amalekites were fighting - and Moses' job was to keep his staff up. When he kept his staff up - the Israelites had the advantage - when his arms dropped - the Amalekites began to succeed. I am sure at first this wasn't difficult - no problem - he could do this - that doesn't seem so hard. But as time went on and the day grew longer - this simple job became harder and harder, and Moses grew tired. I don't see in scripture where he yelled for help, or complained so loud someone heard him, or threatened to give up if someone didn't take over - but what I do see are two friends that saw he was tired.
The scripture says Aaron and Hur found Moses a rock to sit on - they knew first and foremost Moses needed a firm, solid foundation to rest on - not a lazy boy - not a sleeper sofa - not a rocking chair - but a ROCK - something that would hold him and be solid for him to sit on. We need friends who leads us to THE ROCK - who don't try to cushion our fall - but steady our stand. We don't need anyone's opinion, advice, or suggestions - we need GOD - HIS WORD, HIS OPINION, HIS TRUTHS.
Aaron and Hur didn't stop there - they came up on either side of Moses and held up his hands - they became his support system. Funny, they didn't become his cheerleaders - cheering him on from the crowd. They didn't become his coach - telling him what he needs to do better. They didn't become his teacher - grading him on his conduct or behavior. They became his support - they came ALONGSIDE - they were willing to take on the burden WITH HIM - they were willing to GET IN THE FIGHT. I don't think holding Moses' arms was a glamorous job either- I can only imagine he was pretty sweaty and hot, and as far as I know - deodorant was not invented yet (I know a little gross - but just keeping real here). As a friend we have to be willing to deal with the not so pretty side (or smelly side) of each other too. Moses was exhausted, he was desperate, and he needed help - and Aaron and Hur came to his side.
We all need a support system - we all need friends who are willing to dig in, come along side,
hold us up and bear the load of the battle we are fighting. When we go through battles that require so much strength - it makes us weak - it is in those times we find some incredible friends - like Aaron and Hur. I am grateful for friends like that - and I am challenged to become one too!!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Not Guilty
For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus. Romans 3:23-26
When I was growing up I was sure God had a great big hammer and was just waiting for me to mess up so he could bop me on my head and "let me have it". Even after asking Jesus in my heart at the age of 8yrs old, and understanding that my name was "written in the book of life" - I had this idea that every time I sinned He took out his big pink eraser and erased my name. My greatest fear was what if He erased so many times that it just made a big hole - and He couldn't write it back. I can't tell you how many years I cried myself to sleep, hoping that God heard my "I'm sorrys" and I didn't forget anything on my list of sins for the day. I lived in such fear of this GREAT BIG GOD that I couldn't get close enough to Him to really experience His love and forgiveness.
I have to tell you that living like that is exhausting, you are always looking over your shoulder - worried you've finally did the "unpardonable sin" (which you had no idea what that was - but was SURE you would), and always thinking the reason your day went bad was because God was punishing you again. There was never any rest in Christ, no soft place - no peace - just guilt, condemnation, and unhealthy fear. It becomes so overwhelming that you either give up, or live a lie - pretending it's all good on the outside - when inside you are dying.
It wouldn't be until much later as an adult that I began to understand the mercy and grace of God. That I could comprehend His forgiveness - that covered ALL my sin, past - present - and future. And that God had forgiven me BEFORE I had even asked - He made a way - before I even knew I needed a way. That he was not holding any hammer waiting for me fail, He was not sending lighting to strike me, and there was no big pink eraser in His hand.
How could a God who sees all that I have done, and knows all I will do - love ME? Forgive me? Want me? These were questions I really struggled with, and at times I still do. I don't deserve His love, I don't deserve His forgiveness, and I truly don't deserve His presence. But that's not WHY He does it all - it's HIS LOVE that covers over a multitude of sins - it's HIS LOVE that holds me close - it's HIS LOVE. Each of us is a well thought out creation - He didn't make you or me because He needed to add one more person on this earth - He made us because HE WANTS US - He DESIRES a relationship with You - and with me. And When sin came between us - He took his beloved son to pay the cost - HIS ONLY SON - to be the payment for our sin. That's not a God who is mad at you - that is a God who LOVES YOU.
The only hammer that God is holding in His hand - is the judges gavel that He strikes down - as He declares you NOT GUILTY! LOVE PAID THE PRICE FOR MERCY!
- I love these lyrics and this song - I pray that it ministers to you - like it does to me!
NOT GUILTY - MANDISA
I stand accused
There's a list a mile long
Of all my sins
Of everything that I've done wrong
I'm so ashamed
There's nowhere left for me to hide
This is the day
I must answer for my life
My fate is in the Judge's hands
But then he turns to me and says
I know you
I love you
I gave My life to save you
Love paid the price for mercy
My verdict not guilty
How can it be?
I can't begin to comprehend
What kind of grace
Would take the place for all my sin?
I stand in awe
Now that I have been set free
And the tears well up
As I look at that cross
'Cause it should've been me
My fate was in the nail scarred hands
He stretched them out for me and said
CHORUS
I'm falling on my knees to thank You
With everything I am I'll praise You
So grateful for the words I heard You say
CHORUS
When I was growing up I was sure God had a great big hammer and was just waiting for me to mess up so he could bop me on my head and "let me have it". Even after asking Jesus in my heart at the age of 8yrs old, and understanding that my name was "written in the book of life" - I had this idea that every time I sinned He took out his big pink eraser and erased my name. My greatest fear was what if He erased so many times that it just made a big hole - and He couldn't write it back. I can't tell you how many years I cried myself to sleep, hoping that God heard my "I'm sorrys" and I didn't forget anything on my list of sins for the day. I lived in such fear of this GREAT BIG GOD that I couldn't get close enough to Him to really experience His love and forgiveness.
I have to tell you that living like that is exhausting, you are always looking over your shoulder - worried you've finally did the "unpardonable sin" (which you had no idea what that was - but was SURE you would), and always thinking the reason your day went bad was because God was punishing you again. There was never any rest in Christ, no soft place - no peace - just guilt, condemnation, and unhealthy fear. It becomes so overwhelming that you either give up, or live a lie - pretending it's all good on the outside - when inside you are dying.
It wouldn't be until much later as an adult that I began to understand the mercy and grace of God. That I could comprehend His forgiveness - that covered ALL my sin, past - present - and future. And that God had forgiven me BEFORE I had even asked - He made a way - before I even knew I needed a way. That he was not holding any hammer waiting for me fail, He was not sending lighting to strike me, and there was no big pink eraser in His hand.
How could a God who sees all that I have done, and knows all I will do - love ME? Forgive me? Want me? These were questions I really struggled with, and at times I still do. I don't deserve His love, I don't deserve His forgiveness, and I truly don't deserve His presence. But that's not WHY He does it all - it's HIS LOVE that covers over a multitude of sins - it's HIS LOVE that holds me close - it's HIS LOVE. Each of us is a well thought out creation - He didn't make you or me because He needed to add one more person on this earth - He made us because HE WANTS US - He DESIRES a relationship with You - and with me. And When sin came between us - He took his beloved son to pay the cost - HIS ONLY SON - to be the payment for our sin. That's not a God who is mad at you - that is a God who LOVES YOU.
The only hammer that God is holding in His hand - is the judges gavel that He strikes down - as He declares you NOT GUILTY! LOVE PAID THE PRICE FOR MERCY!
- I love these lyrics and this song - I pray that it ministers to you - like it does to me!
NOT GUILTY - MANDISA
I stand accused
There's a list a mile long
Of all my sins
Of everything that I've done wrong
I'm so ashamed
There's nowhere left for me to hide
This is the day
I must answer for my life
My fate is in the Judge's hands
But then he turns to me and says
I know you
I love you
I gave My life to save you
Love paid the price for mercy
My verdict not guilty
How can it be?
I can't begin to comprehend
What kind of grace
Would take the place for all my sin?
I stand in awe
Now that I have been set free
And the tears well up
As I look at that cross
'Cause it should've been me
My fate was in the nail scarred hands
He stretched them out for me and said
CHORUS
I'm falling on my knees to thank You
With everything I am I'll praise You
So grateful for the words I heard You say
CHORUS
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Shout Louder
As Jesus and the disciples left the town of Jericho, a large crowd followed behind. Two blind men were sitting beside the road. When they heard that Jesus was coming that way, they began shouting, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!” “Be quiet!” the crowd yelled at them. But they only shouted louder, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!” When Jesus heard them, he stopped and called, “What do you want me to do for you?” “Lord,” they said, “we want to see!” Jesus felt sorry for them and touched their eyes. Instantly they could see! Then they followed him. Matthew 20:29-33
I'm not sure as Christians we are loud enough. Maybe it's not that we aren't loud enough, but maybe it's that we aren't desperate enough, we aren't in such complete need of HIM and HIS touch that we don't care what others think - what others say. When these two blind men heard that Jesus, the Son of David, the one who heals, was passing by them - they starting yelling. They didn't ask for money, they didn't ask for fame, they didn't ask for power, nothing but MERCY. They cried for MERCY! They cried for compassion, for pardon, for release, for forgiveness, tenderness, and grace. They knew what they needed, and they cried out for it. When the crowd told them to be quiet - THEY GOT LOUDER! These two blind men knew this was their one chance with Jesus - and they weren't going to be shushed by anyone. Be loud friend, be desperate, don't let anyone stand in your way with an encounter with Jesus.
When Jesus heard them - HE STOPPED, and HE RESPONDED. I imagine that he turned towards them when He asked them what they wanted. He listens friend, He listens and He responds. He asked them what they wanted - our God is in the details, and wants details - be specific with Him - He will be specific with you. He knew their need, He knew what they wanted - but He needed to hear it from them - He needs to hear from us too.
When the blind men told Jesus "We want to see!" - JESUS TOUCHED THEM. Back during that time if you were struck with an illness or born with a deformity like blindness, it was a very lonely life, begging for food and money. I can't imagine many people touched them, more people probably walked around them, ignored them even. Jesus didn't hesitate, He touched them - and He healed them! Just a touch from the Great Physician and they were healed. There is nothing about you that is untouchable by the hand of God. No matter who has walked around you, who has ignored you, or even looked down at you - JESUS DOESN'T DO THAT! He is not afraid to touch you, remember He created you - He loves His creation!
The bible says immediately they could see! IMMEDIATELY they were healed. They cried out for mercy, Jesus heard their cry, they asked to be healed, He healed them - and the bible says THEY FOLLOWED HIM. They followed Him. That's all the bible says about them - but I know the story doesn't end there. I can only imagine the testimony they shared with others, as they followed Jesus. The bible doesn't say they became perfect, or all their troubles and worries disappeared, or even their financial status changed - it just says "they followed Him".
Their day began as two blind beggars, and ended as two followers of Jesus who not only got their physical sight, but their spiritual sight opened as well. This all happened because Jesus passed by - and they got LOUD - they got desperate - they told Him their need - and HE ANSWERED!
Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!
I'm not sure as Christians we are loud enough. Maybe it's not that we aren't loud enough, but maybe it's that we aren't desperate enough, we aren't in such complete need of HIM and HIS touch that we don't care what others think - what others say. When these two blind men heard that Jesus, the Son of David, the one who heals, was passing by them - they starting yelling. They didn't ask for money, they didn't ask for fame, they didn't ask for power, nothing but MERCY. They cried for MERCY! They cried for compassion, for pardon, for release, for forgiveness, tenderness, and grace. They knew what they needed, and they cried out for it. When the crowd told them to be quiet - THEY GOT LOUDER! These two blind men knew this was their one chance with Jesus - and they weren't going to be shushed by anyone. Be loud friend, be desperate, don't let anyone stand in your way with an encounter with Jesus.
When Jesus heard them - HE STOPPED, and HE RESPONDED. I imagine that he turned towards them when He asked them what they wanted. He listens friend, He listens and He responds. He asked them what they wanted - our God is in the details, and wants details - be specific with Him - He will be specific with you. He knew their need, He knew what they wanted - but He needed to hear it from them - He needs to hear from us too.
When the blind men told Jesus "We want to see!" - JESUS TOUCHED THEM. Back during that time if you were struck with an illness or born with a deformity like blindness, it was a very lonely life, begging for food and money. I can't imagine many people touched them, more people probably walked around them, ignored them even. Jesus didn't hesitate, He touched them - and He healed them! Just a touch from the Great Physician and they were healed. There is nothing about you that is untouchable by the hand of God. No matter who has walked around you, who has ignored you, or even looked down at you - JESUS DOESN'T DO THAT! He is not afraid to touch you, remember He created you - He loves His creation!
The bible says immediately they could see! IMMEDIATELY they were healed. They cried out for mercy, Jesus heard their cry, they asked to be healed, He healed them - and the bible says THEY FOLLOWED HIM. They followed Him. That's all the bible says about them - but I know the story doesn't end there. I can only imagine the testimony they shared with others, as they followed Jesus. The bible doesn't say they became perfect, or all their troubles and worries disappeared, or even their financial status changed - it just says "they followed Him".
Their day began as two blind beggars, and ended as two followers of Jesus who not only got their physical sight, but their spiritual sight opened as well. This all happened because Jesus passed by - and they got LOUD - they got desperate - they told Him their need - and HE ANSWERED!
Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
My Day
Kids late to school because homework became "all-night-and-morning-work". A few hours later the school calls, one of the kids not feeling well, pick up kid - car won't start - battery dead. Got a jump start head home and all is well. Few hours later an accident with a toilet tank lid results in a broken, cracked lid. Home phone won't work, after hours with a technician - we schedule for someone else to come next week.... it's been a busy day.
In all the things that have happened today - this has not changed: God is still good and He still loves me! Just because my day didn't go as planned, and I now have a few unexpected things to deal with - doesn't change WHO GOD IS, and how he feels about me. When I can rest in that security - I can make it through. I am not thankful for a broken toilet tank lid, a broken home phone, or a dead battery - but I can be thankful for a God who will go through it with me.
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
In all the things that have happened today - this has not changed: God is still good and He still loves me! Just because my day didn't go as planned, and I now have a few unexpected things to deal with - doesn't change WHO GOD IS, and how he feels about me. When I can rest in that security - I can make it through. I am not thankful for a broken toilet tank lid, a broken home phone, or a dead battery - but I can be thankful for a God who will go through it with me.
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Lay it out
After Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it, he went up to the Lord’s Temple and spread it out before the Lord. 15 And Hezekiah prayed this prayer before the Lord... 2 Kings 19:14-15
This scripture about King Hezekiah and the battle he was in with Assyria was in our class lesson this past week in Bible Fellowship. This particular passage has really stuck with me all week. King Hezekiah got this letter it was not encouraging, it was not helpful - it was really just the opposite - a letter of doom and gloom. Under normal circumstances it might not have been so daunting but King Hezekiah and his people had already had a bad week of heckling and threats and discouragement - this was the "final straw".
At this point in the story King Hezekiah could have done a lot of different things: he could have thrown his hands up in the air and given up, he could have lost it - thrown a fit, he could have turned around and started dishing back what he'd been hit with all week, and many more options. But King Hezekiah "trusted the Lord and was faithful to the Lord" (2 Kings 18:5-6). He and God had an understanding - he knew who he needed to turn to, and what he needed to do.
King Hezekiah took that letter and he laid it out before the Lord, and prayed. He didn't just take it to the temple and sit it down, the bible says he "spread it out before the Lord" - every word for God to see, every detail. In my visual mind - I see a broken, tired, exhausted and king humbled in sackcloth on the floor of the temple with this letter - he and this letter spread out - on his face. His prayer wasn't full of woes and mes - it was a prayer of strength and need.
(you can read his prayer here: 2 Kings 19:15-19)
Here's what struck me - LAY IT OUT BEFORE GOD - HE CAN HANDLE IT.
Did you get some unexpected news this week? How about a letter or a bill you don't know what to do with? Maybe you need to just write it out what is overwhelming you and keeping you up at night. and then LAY IT OUT BEFORE YOUR ALMIGHTY GOD. Spread it out before him and let Him see every word. He can handle it, and He will.
This scripture about King Hezekiah and the battle he was in with Assyria was in our class lesson this past week in Bible Fellowship. This particular passage has really stuck with me all week. King Hezekiah got this letter it was not encouraging, it was not helpful - it was really just the opposite - a letter of doom and gloom. Under normal circumstances it might not have been so daunting but King Hezekiah and his people had already had a bad week of heckling and threats and discouragement - this was the "final straw".
At this point in the story King Hezekiah could have done a lot of different things: he could have thrown his hands up in the air and given up, he could have lost it - thrown a fit, he could have turned around and started dishing back what he'd been hit with all week, and many more options. But King Hezekiah "trusted the Lord and was faithful to the Lord" (2 Kings 18:5-6). He and God had an understanding - he knew who he needed to turn to, and what he needed to do.
King Hezekiah took that letter and he laid it out before the Lord, and prayed. He didn't just take it to the temple and sit it down, the bible says he "spread it out before the Lord" - every word for God to see, every detail. In my visual mind - I see a broken, tired, exhausted and king humbled in sackcloth on the floor of the temple with this letter - he and this letter spread out - on his face. His prayer wasn't full of woes and mes - it was a prayer of strength and need.
(you can read his prayer here: 2 Kings 19:15-19)
Here's what struck me - LAY IT OUT BEFORE GOD - HE CAN HANDLE IT.
Did you get some unexpected news this week? How about a letter or a bill you don't know what to do with? Maybe you need to just write it out what is overwhelming you and keeping you up at night. and then LAY IT OUT BEFORE YOUR ALMIGHTY GOD. Spread it out before him and let Him see every word. He can handle it, and He will.
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