Saturday, May 10, 2014


I am a mess

And I am a mom

I am selfish

And I am a mom

I fail daily

And I'm a mom

I drop the ball, let people down, and disappoint

And I'm a mom

I honestly have the best of intentions everyday - and rarely does it turn out that way

And I'm a mom

I yell, and get angry, and say things I shouldn't

And I'm a mom

I give in, give up, and wanna quit too many times that I can count

And I'm a mom

I get tired and I get worn out

And I'm a mom

I make lots of mistakes, mishaps, and messes

And I am a mom

Being the first child, overachiever that I am Mother's Day has become a day I make a mental list of all the ways I am failing this "high calling" that God has given me for three amazing, impressionable souls. I look around and see strong, powerful, beautiful women with clean, sparkling, well behaved kids by their sides - and I'm trying to spit wash yesterdays dirt off one kid's face while squeezing the other's hand tightly as he wiggles out. By the time we've celebrated the mother with 15 kids at church (who by the way smiles and speaks sweetly to everyone) I'm on a downward low. After the crowded lunch at a restaurant where I've stopped 2 food fights, and made 6 trips to the bathroom - I'm ready to take my cold lunch in a to-go box and just go home.

I look at these sweet faces and wonder why God would think I would be any good at this. I am beyond thankful and grateful for each of them, and could not imagine a moment of life without them - but sometimes I truly believe they teach me more than I ever teach them. I wonder if I should be saving for their college or just for therapy. I often pray "Lord, do you know what a mess I'm making?" - And every time - God says "Yes, but I called you - and I got this - cause I got you."

God's word is full of unqualified, messed up people - who keep making mistakes and wrong choices - and yet God called them, he used them, and he never gave up on them.

I don't have to have it altogether - I just have to have God

I don't have to know it all - I just have to have God

I don't have to be it all - I just have to have God

I am a mom - but I am also a child of God - and that is enough

Each time he said, “No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people.” Now I am glad to boast about how weak I am; I am glad to be a living demonstration of Christ’s power, instead of showing off my own power and abilities. 2 Corinthians 12:9 TLB

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